Chuck vs the Tenebrae
by fezzywhigg
Summary: Can chuck and Sarah recover what they lost?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** No ownership or rights to the television show "Chuck" in stated or implied. No profit is being made either.

 **Canon influence:** S1 E10 Chuck Versus the Nemesis and AU from there.

 **Fanon influence:** Probably every fan-fiction I've ever read has influenced this story (all my stories, really) in some shape or form. Hopefully ersk4 is present. I'm re-reading their great story Chuck vs the Superspy right now. Concepts from Arya's Prayers and Marc Vun Kannon's work are present if not obvious as well.

 **Song influence:** This was a little tough. I didn't have a particular song in mind when I was writing the story. Looking through songs that remind me of aspects of the show I came up with Endless Dream by Conjure One. If you listen to it let me know what you think.

My awesome beta reader/editor **yeahokaycool** (thank you for all your work btw! And remember readers; all mistakes are mine) asked me to give you guys a warning: This is a dark story and later on there is some violence (honestly R rated at best). It's just part of the story telling in this work. If it's not your cup of tea just skim over it. Thanks.

Lost in the Dark

The first time Sarah saw him again was almost two years after she left Burbank. It was July 2009, in Moscow. She was in deep cover working for an arms dealer named Alexei Volkoff. Volkoff had recently become associated with a new espionage organization calling itself the Ring. Sarah had inserted herself as one of Alexei Volkoff's bodyguards/security/eye candy.

Volkoff was a vain egotistical man that liked to give the appearance of virility by surrounding himself with beautiful women, but he wasn't a fool. Each of the women he employed were trained in counterintelligence and the use of deadly force.

He called them his "mistresses" but that was a far as it went, thank God. That was probably because of Volkoff's extraordinary paranoia. The only "fembot" (damn Chuck really had affected her more than she realized, sometimes) he trusted was Frost. Then again, she shared his bed, so maybe that was it too.

Volkoff often spoke openly of his love for her but Sarah never saw it reflected in Frost. In fact the codename seemed to suit her. He called her the Josephine to his Napolean (no ego there..hah!). It was rumored that the heart shaped locket that Frost wore had an actual lock of Alexei's hair in it.

Sarah, in retrospect, thought he hadn't recognized her. She certainly hadn't recognized him at first. She was a redhead then and it was dark. He was in Volkoff's office. It was her night on over watch and the silent alarm had alerted her that someone had accessed the secure office.

The intruder had disabled the regular alarm and the security feed was looped. Volkoff (paranoia again) however had a rolling encrypted login that was tripped by the computer he was using.

As she approached the office she noticed no guards. The lock showed no evidence of tampering, like it had just been typed in. If it had been done 5 minutes sooner or later, she never would have known of the break in.

As she crept into the office, she saw him. A man wearing a mask that looked like a black version of some comic superhero?….Spiderman? Yeah, that was it. He was tall, similarly dressed just looking around with a what appeared to be a iPhone attached to a computer interface on the desk.

She had the drop on him but in an instant of unexpected ferocity, he took out her legs and was on top of her. The knife barely grazed her neck as she moved within a split second of knowing his intention. She freed an arm and elbowed him in the face with enough force to stun him into dropping the knife and roll off of her.

She was barely up on her feet before the barrage of fists attacked her. She blocked each blow. Sarah was on defense and she didn't like it. He advanced but she stood her ground. Blow for blow, block for block they danced a dance around the room. A beep from the iPhone momentarily drew his attention and a poorly blocked punch pulled off his mask.

She gaped and stilled with shock. _Chuck!_ She heard the words "Sorry Natasha" and he punched her (punched her! My God he had changed) in the chest. It was with such force that she was sure that had she not been wearing light body armor she would have had a broken rib instead of just losing her ability to inhale.

She collapsed and stayed down as he grabbed the iPhone and escaped. Her eyes watered as she watched him go. Unsure if it was the injury or the shock from the revelation of his identity.

Sarah left within minutes. Alexei Volkoff was many things but forgiving of failure was not one of them. Her cover was blown. She called for extraction as soon as she reached her safe house. It wasn't until her debrief in DC that she learned the truth.

Sarah had left Operation Bartowski just after Thanksgiving in 2007. She was so compromised she didn't know what to do. She contacted Director Graham and officially asked for a new assignment. Bryce's offer was tempting, He was safe and familiar. She knew what to expect when working with him.

It was the down time that concerned her though. She had the distinct impression that Bryce wanted to pick up where the Andersons had left off. By the time she got to Washington, DC she knew that wasn't the solution so she just returned to solo field work.

She tried to keep up with Chuck but her clearance had been downgraded with her change of status. She was sure it was, in no small part, her punishment for effectively eliminating the CIA from the Intersect Project.

Asking Graham would have been unprofessional and more than likely he would refuse on principle. Contacting Casey or going to Burbank was out of the question. She hadn't considered the consequences of her decision and now she regretted it.

She often thought of him but she didn't hear about Chuck until 10 months later. She was in a knife fight in Jakarta. She had been undercover investigating Fulcrum's involvement with a terrorist group in the Indonesian capital. Even then all she heard was that Director Graham had been killed in an explosion at the DNI that housed a top secret computer.

It wasn't mentioned in the newscasts (not surprising really). She knew enough to connect the dots though. It worried her so much she thought about trying to track down a contact number for him. She quickly realized it would near impossible even with her clearance. She started to call Ellie but stopped before she finished dialing the country code.

When she finally got back to Washington, she visited Graham's grave. He had given her a second chance in more ways than one. He had authorized her mission to retrieve the Intersect after Bryce had stolen it in spite of advice against her being assigned the task.

He hadn't intended to but he had given her a chance to be human again. For good or bad, he really had an impact on her life. There was only one other man that she would put in that category.

Even after a year she found her mind drifting 3000 miles away more often than she thought was healthy. She had become so familiar with Google Earth that she reminded herself of Tommy Lee Jones in Men in Black. Chuck would have laughed with surprise that she even knew that. _Dammit_.

 _ **Present day**_

After her mission debriefing of the events in Moscow, and with it the revelation of Chuck presence there, Sarah's security clearance was upgraded and she was once more able to track him and his alias Charles Carmichael. What had happened to him after she left the team in 2007 shocked her.

Apparently two months after she left, Chuck was taken into protective custody. His cover had been blown and he had almost been captured by Fulcrum. Contrary to what she had been led to believe, the CIA had reasserted itself into the Intersect Project with another agent as a handler. A joint decision with the NSA was made to extract Chuck to a more "secure" location.

No surprise, he didn't thrive in a bunker. In fact, he became despondent and depressed. The Intersect stopped functioning and he was given psychiatric help. He had been treated with an experimental medication which seemed to clear up the depression.

At that point he apparently decided to be trained as an agent (her heart broke with that revelation. She would have never wanted that for him.) That decision had been postponed with the destruction of the new Intersect and Langston Graham's death.

Chuck had been scheduled for the download but was held up with a delayed, then cancelled, flight at the LAX airport. The holdup was compounded as his rescheduled flight to Washington DC was delayed as well. Director Graham decided to go ahead and initiate the new intersect without him with disastrous results.

After the death of Director Graham and the destruction of the next generation intersect, Chuck's training had intensified. He downloaded regular Intersect updates. The updates were based on the design he had originally downloaded. He seemed to tolerate them and even thrive according to his handlers. By the beginning of 2009 Chuck was going into the field again...as an agent.

In the middle of February of 2009, Chuck went undercover into a Fulcrum cell. He was forcibly downloaded with a Fulcrum Intersect and his partner was killed. It was unclear what happened after the download. When backup arrived Chuck was found unconscious and the entire cell had been liquidated. The Fulcrum Intersect was officially stated to be the cause of death but that didn't explain the three Fulcrum agents with broken necks.

Three weeks later he was working with an MI-6 agent for the recovery of a Fulcrum asset, code named Perseus. Chuck captured and protected Perseus for 30 minutes from Fulcrum agents before an extraction team came to their aid and took them into custody. Chuck killed a Fulcrum agent while protecting Perseus. It was his first documented kill.

Sarah's chest tightened and her breath became shallow when she read that but at least it wasn't a Red Test. She was never the same after her Red Test. She was sure Chuck would have broken down but a month after the recovery of the Fulcrum asset, Chuck was sent under cover. The psych evaluation found "no detrimental psychiatric effects" and concluded that the therapy regimen he had started after his initial confinement was responsible.

Chuck was still undercover at Roark Instruments in June when Ted Roark died. Roark had been killed in a helicopter crash on the way to a benefit for the Fund for Undergraduate Librarians Caring and Reading to Unwed Mothers.

It was so sensational that the news outlets were reporting the death of Ted Roark and his company 24/7. Chuck was pulled from the field to maintain his anonymity. Two weeks later he downloaded the Intersect 2.0.

After the download, he destroyed the intersect program with a virus that literally hunted the code and references to the Intersect down and destroyed them. He went off grid, presumed rogue.

Clyde Decker (Sarah had heard of him. He was a certified bastard in her opinion) was assigned to re-acquire Chuck. Decker had so far been unsuccessful. In fact there was some concern as he hadn't checked in with his superior for several weeks. It was not unusual for a field agent per se but strange for a man that gave weekly reports like clockwork up until this assignment.

The first time anyone knew anything about Chuck's status was when Sarah ID'd him in Moscow. Sarah mourned for her Chuck. _Her Chuck_. It seemed that sweet, caring, passionate man was gone. Lost to the spy world. A pang of guilt shot through her. Could she have prevented all this if she had stayed? Could she have protected him from it, saved him?

 _ **September 2009**_

In September, at fashion week in Milan, Sarah saw Chuck again. Problems with Fulcrum had died down noticeably since June, but those new players that she had been investigating undercover at Volkoff Industries were starting to cause trouble.

Sarah was now tasked with locating and intercepting the sale of a prototype weapon of Alexei Volkoff's. Her only lead was was a bodyguard named Gustav who, intel indicated, was working for a known subcontractor of Volkoff. As chance would have it, she saw Chuck while trailing Gustav.

It was at one of the more posh hotels in Milan, where anybody, who was somebody, wanted to be seen. There, dancing on the ballroom floor was Chuck. His hair was longer than when she had first met him, parted in the middle. And the curls were out in full force. He was wearing a black Armani suit that accentuated his shoulders and thin frame. With a shadow of a beard he even looked Italian.

In his arms, Sarah saw a striking blond woman. She had the stray thought that at least the woman wasn't brunette. Seeing him and his partner dance, though, was so distracting that Sarah lost track of Gustav.

The woman was pressed up against Chuck with their faces inches apart. At one point he smiled a wide smile, the kind that caused his nose to scrunch and whispered in the woman's ear. She laughed with abandon and lightly patted him on his chest.

Sarah felt agitated when she saw that and cursed to herself. She had not only lost her mark but she was feeling...jealous? _Ungh...this cannot be happening_. She noticed the woman kissing Chuck on the cheek and hand him something from her purse.

The woman exited the dance floor and walked straight up to...Gustav! Sarah seemingly nonchalantly closed the distance between herself and her mark.

She heard Gustav say "Here is your jacket Miss Sofia. May I take you back to your hotel?" The woman nodded her assent. Gustav held her jacket out for her and escorted her to a waiting car. Sarah took a second from tracking her mark to look back toward the ballroom but Chuck had disappeared.

Sarah wondered what Chuck was up to. What was he doing with the woman that now appeared to be her mission? Was he after the weapon for himself or someone else? Her instincts said no. He had changed but she felt like she still knew him, and this wasn't him.

The little bit of intel available seemed to indicate that as well. She wanted to talk to him but she had a job to do. She briefly mused that this was how things had gotten so crazy between them. Putting the job first? No, that wasn't it. Not entirely at least. The problem was that she really hadn't and still didn't know what to do with her feelings for Chuck.

They had had an immediate connection when she engaged him as a mark in the fall of 2007. It had surprised her given the circumstances. She tried to keep it tamped down but it was so intense that at times it just bled through her agent persona. Chuck on the other hand couldn't hide being enamored with her at all.

She felt the pressure of that open adoration but was constrained because of their handler/asset relationship. Romantic entanglement with an asset was not allowed for a myriad of reasons, but mainly it was tantamount to sexual harassment and as inappropriate as a teacher/student relationship. That was a line (a convenient line but a line none the less) that she would not cross.

She had felt a pull towards him that she had never experienced before and she was constantly trying to police herself. Unfortunately this led to her overcompensating when dealing with Chuck and his obvious infatuation with her.

Her leaving the mission was the only solution she could come up with at the time. Now, she wished she had been smarter or stronger. It was almost two years since she made that decision and she still felt the intensity of that attraction.

She frowned. She needed put those thoughts away since they were of no use now. After confirming the location of Sofia's temporary residence in Milan, she went back to her hotel and did her homework.

"Miss Sofia" was a retired supermodel Sofia Stepanova. A background check into her finances revealed an unknown source of income in the millions. With no record of her doing any work with that kind of pay this side of Victoria's Secret, she figured she had confirmed the identity of Volkoff's subcontractor. She would know for sure tomorrow night when she checked Sofia's suite.

The next night, Sarah made her move on Sofia's penthouse. Observation coupled with other intelligence led Sarah to believe she had at least until 3 am before she would have to worry about Sofia and her bodyguard. Sofia liked to party. As she repelled to the balcony in darkness she tried to calm herself but she couldn't help but feel something wasn't right. Her suspicions were confirmed as she observed the balcony door move slightly with the light breeze. She was glad she had donned her typical gray and black attire complete with a balaclava, as it would hide her identity and help her with approach.

She entered the penthouse silently and heard some scuffling deeper in the apartment. She drew her weapon and slowly headed in that direction. She almost tripped over the body in the hall but caught herself.

It was Gustav. His throat slit from ear to ear, blood congealing on the floor. She must have made a sound because soon she heard a familiar voice.

"Stay right there and I won't kill you." It was like ice. She stopped if only to consider her options. She saw no one and no movement. She started to retreat. " I said stop. " She froze. How could he tell?

"Now drop your weapon and move forward with your hands up and in front."

Sarah walked forward into a smaller room that seemed to be a dressing room or large walk-in closet with a large bathroom on the other end. A woman was bound kneeling on the floor with a piece of clothing in her mouth acting as a gag. Her mascara ran freely down her cheeks and terror was painted across her face.

Behind the woman was a tall man wearing a mask. He was holding onto the woman's hair like a leash. He was dressed head to toe in black with a utility belt and wearing the mask she recognized from her fight with him in Moscow. She knew instantly it was Chuck.

She visibly shook when Chuck shot the bound woman with a tranq gun. She collapsed with a muffled thump on the carpeted floor. He holstered the tranq gun and pointed a suppressed Smith and Wesson 5906 pistol directly at her with his other hand.

"Are you here for me? I thought I made it clear to the agency not to come after me or haven't they found Decker yet?"

Sarah blanched at his implication. "No...I come in peace…. I know why you're here." She thought quickly. "Maybe we can help each other?"

"I seriously doubt that… Sarah."

Sarah's eyes widened in surprise. She mentally appraised her appearance, nothing seemed out of place. It was against protocol to confirm what just may be a guess on his part but she wouldn't lie to him. He hated lying and, she suspected, liars as well. Of which she was one.

"How...how did you know?"

"Kick your weapon over here and take off your balaclava and I'll tell you." Sarah complied. "Uh huh...now the knives..slowly and don't come any closer. I know what those legs can do." Dammit he really did know it was her.

Sarah removed her mask. "What? You don't trust me… Chuck." Two could play this game she thought.

Without the slightest bit of venom he answered "Nope." and removed his mask as well. "You taught me well."

The words all but slapped her face. She started to move forward on instinct. "No!" he raised his voice and the pistol.

"I meant it and contrary to our last run in, I will shoot you." Chuck's finger moved from the safe position to the trigger. She stopped. To her dismay, she believed him.

"Now, tell me again. Are you here to bring me in or assassinate me? Answer me honestly; your life may depend on it."

Anger boiled up in Sarah. "Cut the bullshit Chuck. I'm not here to kill you or bring you in. I'm here for a prototype weapon suspected to be in the possession of Sofia Stepanova and that's all."

"Oh, that's all? It's in the safe over there." he said nonchalantly. He looked over at the fallen woman "You'd think a top operative would be better at resisting torture. Alexei must be lowering his standards."

Sarah's anger continued. "Chuck! What the hell is going on!" she yelled. "You're killing and torturing people? That's not you. How did you get this way?"

Chuck's brow furrowed. He really hadn't intended to kill Gustav, just incapacitate him, but he had underestimated the man's strength in close quarters. He panicked and reacted when he started to lose consciousness during a particularly rib-bruising attack by Gustav.

It was all bravado after that. He actually felt like puking. Since he had weaned himself off the Laudenol he really had no stomach for the killing part of his job. Although there were a few people he would make exceptions for.

"First off, you don't know me. I don't know that you ever did."

That hurt. She had only known him for a couple of months before she left but he was an open book then. A wonderful, giving, handsome man. She felt that his moods and desires were clear for her to see. And then she left...no, screw that...she may not know him now but she knew him then and this was not Chuck Bartowski. This was a caricature. A CIA induced caricature. Her realization scared her more than she was prepared for.

"And after what you did by leaving with Bryce, you don't get to judge me...ever. In answer to you second question: I needed to survive." Sarah noticed his hazel eyes were bright but darkness had replaced the warmth she remembered.

"You may have forgotten me but I never, never forgot you." He snapped. "After they bunkered me, I agreed to become the Intersect agent they always wanted. You're the best. I studied you. Everything about you. Your record, as much as wasn't redacted, your training, even your technique in your fighting styles. And of course there was …." he tapped his temple. "You became my absent mentor."

Sarah felt a wave of nausea ripple through her. Chuck continued "I've emulated my entire spy legend on you, from seduction to weapon preference and martial art styles." Her throat was dry and the room seemed to be losing oxygen by the second.

"Didn't you find it surprising in Moscow? I did. Imagine my surprise to be fighting someone that knew your every move. If I hadn't studied you, I would have died that night, I'm sure of it. Instead I was able to hold my own and disable you. It took me a day but I figured out who was in that office that night. I've kept track of you ever since."

"I knew you were tracking the smart bullets. What I wasn't sure of was whether you had any secondary instructions concerning me. When I saw you last night…" She goggled at this revelation. "I expected you tonight so I talked Sofia into a night in, to get here before you did."

He thought of Sarah almost everyday in one capacity or another. He could never forget her beauty but there was so much more to her than that. It had hurt so much when she left.

 _ **November 2007**_

 _He knew Casey was watching but he just couldn't stop himself from looking across the parking lot._

" _Decided to take up birdwatching?...Agent Walker and I don't do a lot of fraternizing off hours. I guess we'll have to wait and see.."_

" _See?...see what?"_

" _See if she's had enough of the good life here with you. See if she's hightailed it to wherever your buddy Bryce is hiding himself."_

" _Is...is that an option?"_

" _Aw...don't worry. I hear there is a great selection of handlers in this year's CIA Christmas catalog." Casey just smirked and walked away._

" _Are there. Thanks a lot."_

Of course, Morgan was no help with his "she's a liar, not to be trusted" comment, either. Chuck had wondered how she could just walk away like that but eventually he understood that it was easy. She would be re-united with her capable, talented partner and handsome lost lover. It wouldn't be hard at all.

It was easy for someone so incredible to forget an unremarkable asset. Not even a person really, just property. The whole event sent him into an emotional spiral of depression with the eventual failure of the Intersect. The leaving, the thought of her in Bryce's bed and worst of all, her loving the kind of man he never was and could never be.

The Laudenol, surprisingly, had actually given him given him a chance for reflection. He even began to see that Sarah had really helped him more than he had acknowledged in his petulance and hurt after she left.

She kept him out of the bunker, tried to shield him from this crazy world he found himself in and then there was the kiss...which he was still confused by. Whatever made her decide to leave, he still had to thank her for looking out for him. The Laudenol had give him a respite for a while but the price had been too high.

 _ **Present**_

"You're tracking me? How?...What? "

"I had highest level clearance as the Intersect agent, Sarah. With that and my skillset, it was small thing to find your online trail at the agency. I didn't even need the Intersect."

Chuck had made peace, he thought, with Sarah's decision and had not even tried to locate her. But when he crossed paths with her in Russia it occurred to him that keeping tabs on one of the world's most capable assassins might be a good idea. Particularly if they might be after you.

Sarah was angry, confused and curious all at the same time. She would later consider how Chuck Bartowski must be the most underestimated person she had ever met. She had thought he was amazing, but she was sure that was because she was compromised.

Obviously, being compromised had nothing to do with it. With what she had just observed, she could see that he was a capable and ingenious operative. The intelligence community hadn't had a clue about him and probably still didn't.

"I broke the cardinal rule of spying Sarah." he continued softly, not even sure why except he felt he had weight on him that he needed to shed. He looked with his now dark eyes directly into hers.

She noticed he holstered his weapon but she didn't have it in herself to attack him. She suddenly wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Spies don't fall in love." He stated it plainly. As if she didn't know. She knew it better than anyone. She had actually believed it and left him. She lived with that regret everyday since she had made that decision.

She hadn't recognized it then. She hadn't known anything but that she had to run. She was confused, and quite frankly, didn't recognize what was going on because she had never experienced anything as intense as how much he meant to her

"Well, technically, I wasn't a spy when I fell in love with you. Even when you left with Bryce, I couldn't stop myself. And as I mentioned, I emulated you. It was the only part of you that I knew was real. I needed you and I took what I could get."

His honesty was overwhelming her. There was still a part of Chuck in there that hadn't been destroyed but it was practically a whisper. She slid to the floor, her back to the door frame.

"You loved me?"

"Still do" he replied. "But as Roan Montgomery so eloquently put it "Emotions will get you killed, Charles." He hesitated for a second, laughed and shook his head. "...and unrequited love will cause you to give a bad guy monologue, apparently. Which by the way, I maintain I am not one of the many villains in this story. But I am sorry for this." He pulled the tranq gun from his belt and started to aim it at her.

"Wait..." Sarah knew it was crazy, a testament to the surreality of her life, what she was contemplating it but then again what wasn't. It was the middle of the night. She was in an enemy agent's penthouse with a dead man in the hall, being held at bay by the man she cared for and she was going to try to talk to him. Not handle him. Not deceive or deflect, just talk.

"Sorry" was the last thing she heard before she felt the sting of the dart and blacked out.

She awoke to find a note and a thumb drive taped to her hand.

" _This should keep you out of trouble with the Deputy Director. Don't worry about Gustav. I did him a favor considering how Sofia treated him. Speaking of which, she deserves everything she gets from Volkoff. Au revoir mon amour, it was good to see you again."_

Sarah looked at Sofia. She was awake, bound and gagged. A red bow wrapped around her with a note attached that read " _To Russia with Love"_.

Sarah was flummoxed. One minute he was going to kill her, the next declaring his love for her and then making jokes. She didn't know what to expect from him next. He was a wildcard and the irony of that description was not lost on her.

There was only one thing to do. She had to find him. She needed to tell him the truth. She had to make things right. A text from an unknown phone let her know before the blare of the sirens that the police were on the way. _Damn him!_ She made a hasty exit.

 **A/N:** So there you have the first chapter of my "Sarah left with Bryce" fic. There were so many dramatic spots in the show but this one is iconic (I'm starting to feel that way about all of season 1, really). I hope you enjoyed it and are intrigued enough to keep up with the next chapter (I think it's a 3 or 4 chapter story at most). Thanks in advance for reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** No ownership or rights to the television show "Chuck" in stated or implied

 **Canon influence** : S1 E10 Chuck Versus the Nemesis and AU from there.

 **Fanon influence** : Probably every fan-fiction I've ever read has influenced this story (all my stories, really) in some shape or form.

 **Song influence** : "Hurricane" by MsMr

Big thanks! to yeahokaycool for all the beta work. All mistakes are mine. This chapter we get a little more information on Chuck's situation since Sarah left. Considering canon characters, this might be the most AU part of the story ;)

A Shot in the Dark

 _ **January 2010**_

Ostensibly, she was in Paris to intercept some intel on the Ring. They seemed to be filling the gap left behind by the rapidly evaporating Fulcrum. Some analysts believed that Fulcrum had somehow been associated with the Ring. Some believed for all intensive purposes there was only a non-functioning remnant left. It was still a mystery as to the reason for Fulcrum's decline but a win was a win in Sarah's book.

Sarah hated Paris. Maybe hate was too strong a word but ever since her Red Test she felt uncomfortable and edgy when she was in the City of Light. Guilt would descend on her, then self doubt. How could such a beautiful city cause so much pain? Oh yeah… a young brunette woman bleeding out on the street because you shot her... in cold blood.

She had visited this city so many times in her nightmares since then. She wondered if Chuck felt that way about someplace or some city. Had he felt part of himself die inside when he killed someone for the first time too?

Sarah sighed to herself. She needed to push these thoughts down. They wouldn't help her and she had a secret side mission to accomplish.

The intel was on Compact Disc's ( _sort of a dated form of data storage,_ she thought absently, which then reminded her of Chuck. _Dammit!_ ). They were in a container to be transported to the United States hidden in a coffin.

Sarah located the deceased and the mortuary where the body was. She then gained a private viewing with the body, posing as the gentleman's mistress. She was young enough to be the man's granddaughter, but it was France after all. The Mortician gave her an odd look but acquiesced after she explained that she did not want to upset the man's family with her presence at the scheduled viewing.

She retrieved the storage container and was on her way out of the funeral home when a woman claiming to be a relative of the deceased showed up. A petite woman with blue eyes. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail that gave a youthful appearance from a distance.

Granddaughter? Real mistress? It really wasn't important. Sarah quickly took the side exit where she was stopped by a mountain of a man. As she turned she noticed the woman had followed her and had pulled a gun.

"Hand over the disks Agent Walker." _How does she know my name?_

Sarah briefly had a flashback to her Red test again before she threw the container to the ground on her left, launching herself to her right. The pair were distracted by the dropped container allowing Sarah to draw her weapon and put two center mass shots in the woman before the man grabbed her and put her in a bear hug.

As her breath was rapidly being squeezed out of her, she reached one her knives and viciously started stabbing him in his upper left thigh and hip. She was quickly released and fell to the ground. Gasping for breath, she saw the fists coming. She rolled, picked up her gun and put one shot through the head. She grabbed the container and headed back to her hotel as steam from the bodies of her would-be assassins rose into the air and disappeared into the night.

Technically her part of the operation was over but she had other things on her mind. She left the container at the prearranged drop site after checking in with her Agent In Charge. He was a wooden man, a little older than her.

They had built a rapport working together against this new foe but he made her uncomfortable. She was unable to read him and he kept her on a need to know basis concerning operations.

Sarah was sure some considered him desirable in a Superman kind of way (she had heard the gossip) but honestly his single minded passion for destroying the Ring sort of diminished his attractiveness. She certainly wasn't interested. Her tastes ran more to Clark Kent anyway. Or maybe the man that seemed to dominate her thoughts lately was more like Peter Parker.

Her AIC wanted her back in Washington DC tonight for a full debrief, but had to wait until tomorrow due to transportation logistics. By her calculations she had about twelve hours left in the City of Light.

Sarah had noticed a pattern with Chuck's movements. The reports never mentioned Chuck by name but she noticed a rash of European incursions against Alexei Volkoff or his interests "by an unknown operative or clandestine operation, motive unknown". With a little profiling (Chuck had mentioned seeing the Eiffel Tower was on his bucket list) including her gut instinct and some contacts she had in the DCRI in Paris, she was confident she had discovered his latest safe house.

It was an apartment in an older building that was a sublet from a woman in the IT trade. The fact that she was young and brunette rankled Sarah more than she cared to admit. Her concern was allayed by the fact that the woman's employer had her travelling so much she was never in Paris and didn't need the space but didn't want to give up the lease.

The building had multiple escape routes and no in house surveillance except for his. With a little CIA magic she bypassed it but she still found herself impressed with his tradecraft. She thought it curious from a security standpoint, that there was no surveillance on the inside of the apartment. It could be pride in his exterior surveillance but rather suspected it was a reflection of his hatred for the surveillance he had been exposed to as the Intersect.

Her heart warmed at the sight of the interior of the apartment. It was kept neat but not sterile. It was small with a galley kitchen that opened into a modest living room, one bedroom and one bath. The muted colors of reds, browns and yellow giving an Old World comfortable appearance. It even had a view of the Eiffel Tower. It was unmistakably Chuck.

Sarah waited in his apartment on pins and needles for about thirty minutes before he returned. Turnarounds being fair play, she surprised him. She knew she had surprised him when her "Hi Chuck" was answered with a knife in the chair where she had been sitting seconds before. She had expected that and prepared. He had said the he had studied her. Well, she had studied him too.

After the shock and quite frankly the grief over his actions in Milan she felt like she knew him better. He was like her. An over achiever thrown into an unknown, abhorrent world.

Unable to not be the best they could be at any task set before them. Of course he would be good. She had had nine years to adjust with college and training. He had one day before his anchor was gone and the full weight of the Intersect and intelligence community had been thrust upon him.

He immediately set a defensive stance. "Chuck...Chuck...It's me. Sarah. We need to...I need to talk to you. I'm not here for any other reason. I promise."

"No good conversation starts with the phrase 'we need to talk' Sarah." She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. She was happy to see Chuck relax his stance. "and by the way, fair is fair. How did you find me?"

"A little profiling, a little luck. I bypassed your perimeter surveillance and let myself in. I noticed that you used the same perimeter alerts you used in Milan….. " Sarah sighed and took a calming breath. She needed to stop procrastinating.

"...But I'm not here to talk shop. Chuck, I need you to let me explain myself. I need you to know some things and I feel so awful it's taken me so long for me to do it."

This was going to be tough but she had promised herself she would try to make things right. That she would tell him the truth. It would be a fight but Sarah Walker didn't back down from a fight. This was too important.

"Chuck…" she started slowly. "I didn't leave with Bryce. I started to; he offered something that I was used to. A situation I could control. But I soon realized that he was just an excuse."

She grew quiet for a moment. " I was compromised.. with you."

"Sarah..I.."

"Chuck, let me finish or I'll never get this out."

"There were all these emotions that I had worked so hard to suppress just clawing their way to the surface. I was confused and it scared me. I didn't know what to do so I grasped at the first thing that was familiar. I rationalized that it was the best way to protect you, that you still had Casey to look out for you but it really was me running away, unable to confront myself. Chuck... I...I'm so sorry."

Her eyes watered and tears threatened but she continued. "Chuck, I never wanted to hurt you. You have to know that. I fell in love with a good man and I didn't know what to do about it so I ran. It was a mistake. One that I have regretted everyday since. My fear and my reaction to that fear, it hurt you badly. I know that now. I guess I've really always known that."

Sarah tapered off. She saw only a stoic face in response to her declaration. An awkward silence ensued as Chuck was processing. Deflated, Sarah finished "Anyhow, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I...I would...I would understand if you hated me…but I needed you to know".

Chuck seemed to snap to alacrity. "I don't! I don't. Sarah...not at all. That was all I ever wanted. I...I can't. I can't believe...this is not how it was supposed to be…not now...I...I…" He seemed to collapse on himself and wept. Sarah instinctively approached him and held him close. With a gasp, Chuck pulled himself together. He wiped his eyes. His eyes were once again an open book to her.

She waited as long as she could before speaking "Chuck? Chuck, it's okay. It's okay."

"Sarah, I really don't know what to say. God...why does this have to be so hard. I...I have loved you since the first time I saw you. When you left, my world collapsed. Usually, I would have Ellie and Morgan help me until I recovered. And they tried, they really did but they didn't know the truth. And the CIA they just wanted the Intersect to continue on like I was some kind of machine."

"What happened Chuck? I know that they brought you in but I have to know….. How did you become this cold, calculating assassin? How did you become ….me?" she said in a whisper. "What did they do to you?" She knew a lot but she wanted to hear it from him.

His shoulders slumped and he lowered himself to a nearby chair. He was vulnerable. She stayed still. "You'll kill me yet." he muttered to himself. He waited half a breath to see what she would do.

"Casey…" Chuck's eyes narrowed. "Casey was a good agent and I think he did his best to protect me. I still think that...even after I found out that he had a pending termination order for me. I really don't think he would have pulled the trigger."

That revelation surprised her. It shouldn't have, she had training. She had cleaned operations before. Hell, Graham had ordered to kill Chuck if had ran that first night. Sarah's stomach churned realizing that she didn't even consider that when she decided to leave. That she was leaving him in the hands of his potential executioner. All because she had been so anxious to escape from her situation.

"The Intersect stopped functioning after you left. It became sporadic at best. I was assigned a new handler from the CIA, Agent Alex Forrest." Sarah's nose wrinkled at the name. She had crossed paths with her once and she wasn't impressed.

"I think Beckman and Graham were looking for an excuse to bring me in. A Fulcrum agent discovered me at the Buy More and they moved to bring me into protective custody. There was a confrontation on a rooftop landing pad where the Fulcrum agent almost captured me before Agent Forrest killed her. Casey had been tracking the agent but was too late. He was re-assigned and I haven't seen him since."

"Alex..." Sarah fought down her concern that Chuck referred to Forrest on a first name basis. "... remained my handler in the bunker they put me in. Since it seemed that my emotions interfered with the intersect I was treated with a antidepressant medication called Laudenol. It worked...too well."

"I didn't have any emotions. I didn't even feel anything when Graham was killed. Granted I didn't particularly care for the man but to be so numb to the tragedy... Sarah there were five agents in there with him that were killed and two technicians monitoring the download. It was horrible and I felt nothing. I just wanted to know if I still had to go to Washington."

"I could flash again, though. I started training to be an agent and eventually downloaded Intersect updates."

"The last update knocked me out physically but it seemed to enhance my training ten fold. Alex was then partnered with me. We worked well together considering my mental state. During one of our field assignments, we were taken captive by a Fulcrum cell."

"Fulcrum had been experimenting with making their own Intersect. They captured us gathering intel in a development in the suburbs called Meadow Branch." Sarah recalled the name from her research into Charles Carmichael.

"Security was so tight we didn't have an opportunity for escape. With all that information in my head and the training I had been given, I was unable to do anything. I was useless. I often think back to that day and feel a guilt that I will have for the rest of my life."

"They didn't know anything about us other than we were CIA, so the lead Fulcrum agent decided to experiment on us. First they uploaded me with their intersect. When I survived, they tried it on Alex and made me watch. I snapped after she convulsed and died. I killed three Fulcrum agents without a second thought and left the others to die in the intersect room."

"I killed them Sarah...and I didn't care. No emotion at all. It was like I was watching a first person shooter game. The extraction team found me passed out on the floor. After that, killing wasn't that hard." Sarah again thought of her Red test and how she changed after that. Each kill after that became easier.

"I read the record." Chuck looked at her with puzzlement. "You may not believe me but I tried to keep up with you after I left but my clearance was downgraded. It wasn't until after Moscow it was elevated again so I could see your file. It was obviously whitewashed and redacted. What happened after the mission with the MI 6 agent?"

"Cole Barker...a nice guy really but he had a James Bond complex.' He laughed.

"Agent Barker and I were on a mission for the retrieval of a Fulcrum asset named Howard Busgang. He had been involved with the original Intersect project and apparently he was developing Fulcrum's intersect program."

" We had traced him to a lab in downtown Los Angeles. After we had him in our custody, we were attacked by Fulcrum agents. Barker and I kept them at bay but one of the agents got into the lab. He was about to kill Barker and I shot and killed him. By this time I was weaning myself off the Laudenol. I almost puked."

"I used the emotion of the situation to interrogate Busgang. During the interrogation I asked him why he needed to experiment on humans since he had built an Intersect before. He replied that he had just worked on the project and that the main scientist was an asset referred to as Orion."

"At that point both the Fulcrum and CIA Intersects flashed and I collapsed. When the flash ended I had two sets of information sitting in my memory. The bottom line was that the government had a program back in the 80's similar to the Omaha Project. The lead scientist was Stephen Bartowski codenamed Orion. The project security chief and his handler was a woman, Agent Mary Gunter. Codenamed Frost, my mother Mary Bartowski."

Sarah's mind boggled. Frost was Chuck's mother!

"They, along with my dad's friend, another scientist, Hartley Winterbottom, ran an off the books op that went pear shape on them. After that my mom disappeared hunting down an up-and-coming arms dealer in the Soviet Union named Alexei Volkoff. My dad disappeared a few years later"

Now things were starting to make sense to Sarah. The break-in in Moscow. The stealing of the prototype weapon.

"It struck me that since this information was in both intersects, that both databases were US intelligence. That meant the government knew. They knew what happened to my parents Sarah. They knew from the start what the Intersect was and what it could do. They played me Sarah, and I played along with them until I didn't need to anymore. But before I left, the Intersect had another surprise for me."

"I was sent to work and gather intel at Roark instruments using my real last name. Apparently Charles Bartowski was missing not dead and records had been changed to cover me in a background check. It came up during the briefing that Ted and my dad had been friends in college. That and my Stanford degree (which thanks to the CIA showed up five years after Stanford expelled me) would be a credible cover that may increase my access at RI.

Ted Roark did recognize my name just as mission planners had hoped. One day he called me into his office before he left for one of his charity events. He wanted to tell me the he knew my dad and asked about him."

"I'm not sure if it was his voice or not but he had barely started talking when both intersects flashed. I fell to my knees. Not only had Ted Roark known my dad but had worked on an early intersect prototype with him and Hartley Winterbottom. The CIA/NSA Intersect implicated Ted Roark and Alexei Volkoff with the disappearance of my father, and the Fulcrum intersect confirmed it."

"Ted recognized the flash and tried to pull a gun on me but I disarmed him and knocked him out. That's when Ted had that horrible helicopter accident." There was the darkness back in Chuck's eyes.

"I'd like to blame the Laudenol, Sarah, but it was all me." His eyes dropped to the floor. "It was all me…." The bosses recalled me. I uploaded the 2.0 Intersect, destroyed the computer and sent a virus that targeted the Intersect plans and any reference to it to try and eliminate or least hinder the Intersect being rebuilt... They had underestimated the Intersect host." he spat the last word out with a bitterness she could feel. "And I knew I had to find Alexei Volkoff for answers."

Sarah rather suspected he knew what those answers were. Sarah also wasn't so sure the government knew anything about Chuck. With her twelve years with the Agency, she thought she had seen it all. She hadn't, obviously. They no idea who they were dealing with.

"Ch...Chuck, I... I...You need to know I never wanted this for you."

"It's okay Sarah; you didn't know what would happen to me. You couldn't know what decisions I would make. It's just how it is. There are always consequences to our decisions Sarah."

"But it was my job to protect you."

He smiled a small sad smile. "I lost you and I became who I needed to be. That's all. Simple"

It was hardly simple to Sarah. She felt that now familiar constriction in her chest and dryness in her throat. He was a reflection of her and her profession and it made her ill.

"What are you going to do now?".

"That depends. Are you going to turn me in? Report me to the Deputy Director?"

"No, Chuck. This is just between you and me."

"Then, please, allow me the honor of ….buying you dinner"

"Thanks, that sounds great" she replied as the weight on her chest became less heavy with his request. "But I have to leave in a few hours to return to Washington."

"Plenty of time. I would rather go out but if you're okay with it, I know this great Asian place that delivers and we can catch up here. I have a bottle of Pinot Gris from one of the local vineyards just waiting for the right company. Just let me chill it."

Dinner was delicious and the conversation was light. They enjoyed themselves and Sarah was almost convinced this was what normal was like. It didn't go unnoticed when she thought about it later, but it was the happiest night she had had in the last two years.

As she gathered herself to leave, though, she was still unsure of where they stood. Chuck gave no indication as he gave her a hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek. When he called for a cab, Sarah pressed him. She needed to know.

"Chuck… what happens next? What happens...to us?"

She barely saw him cringe but it was there. "Was there ever an "us", really? Sarah I've been yours since the day I met you and I think I always will be but I think the window for us has passed."

Sarah felt a sharp pain in her chest, but she ignored it. She was tired of regret and tired of this heartache. This was going to stop. They could have something and she was going to do her best to make it happen. Chuck may think that too much time had passed, but he needed to know that wasn't true.

"Don't say that, Chuck. There was an us then. It's what scared me and why I left, but I'm here now and I know how I feel. I'm not afraid anymore. I made a mistake but it can be fixed...together."

"I don't know Sarah. I don't see a way back for me."

 _Or for us_ she thought.

"You have your career. You're respected and from what I've been reading on the CIA servers, soon to be co-leading a task force on The Ring. And I...I'm just not that guy. That guy you remember. That was so long ago. I'm just a rogue spy with nothing but blood in my future."

"Chuck…"

"No, it's okay Sarah. You found your way out. You've worked hard and you deserve it.. I know you won't believe me but… and don't get me wrong. You're the most capable agent I know but I always thought your heart was too big for this life. You've tamped it down and tried to hide it but I always knew it. I need to know you will try to be happy. Please be happy."

Sarah never thought she would hear someone say that about her. When she finally shook off the shock of his statement, she realized what was happening and she couldn't stand it. This sounded too much like a goodbye.

Sarah swallows the lump in her throat and pushes a piece of paper toward Chuck.

"I know you don't believe me but I love you Chuck Bartowski. You, all of you, even right now you. Listen...you can't…uggh. Don't say goodbye because I'm not going to, and I'm not allowing you to either."

Chuck smiled a soft crooked smile as he brushed a hand through his hair.

"Take this. It's my secure email account. The CIA doesn't know about it. I check it weekly. You can get a hold of me with it...if..if you want. I'll leave messages for you there too."

"Sarah…"

"No ...check it out yourself. It's secure. Chuck, I don't want this to be the last time between us. Just check it. Okay? You just told me to be happy. I can't imagine that without you in my life. Don't say no and don't say goodbye."

"Okay."

Sarah didn't know if she believed him or not. And with that he escorted her to a waiting cab. Softly saying "stay safe" before the car started through the streets of Paris on it's way to Charles De Gaulle Airport.

Sarah thought about returning to see him when she next had some leave, but she knew the apartment would be empty. _Hell, he was probably leaving right now_ she thought. Their reunion had been bittersweet but she was left with a new resolve. She was going to be with him and she was going to help him.

A/N: So that e-mail communication system was a "homage" to a plot device in Arya's prayers amazing story "Becoming". There was a lot going on in this chapter. I know I took some liberties (AU?) with the Intersect. Of course Orion's real identity wasn't in the Intersect in canon (or was it?) but what if it had been? What kind of betrayal did Chuck feel to find out that the NSA knew about Orion and did nothing but keep Chuck in the dark (sorry no pun intended)? It made for an interesting back half of season 2. I mentioned "iconic" in the last chapter's authors notes. Certain cities fall into that category with this show with Prague being mentioned first (the pilot, I believe) and then significantly in Pink Slip but Paris seemed to have the most emotional impact in season 3. I wonder what the story was with that?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** No ownership or rights to the television show "Chuck" in stated or implied

 **Canon influence** : S1 E10 Chuck Versus the Nemesis and AU from there.

 **Fanon influence** : Probably every fan-fiction I've ever read has influenced this story (all my stories, really) in some shape or form.

 **Music influence** : "Short Change Hero" by The Heavy.

"R" rated violence.

Many thanks to my beta yeahokaycool and their suggestions in this chapter.

From Paris With Love (with apologies to Luc Besson) and we find out what's been going on with Casey.

A Light in the Dark

 _ **March 2010**_

Sarah entered the Starbucks on Maryland Ave near the National Mall. If she was ever questioned, she would say that she was taking in some local tourism at the Smithsonian National Air and Space museum. She was a pilot after all.

She had received a package that morning at her apartment. It was unmarked except for an image of the Eiffel tower and a logo that consisted of a bee with an eye as the abdomen. A "see bee", she knew exactly who had sent it.

Inside was a small notebook computer but with no keyboard and a note in familiar sloppy handwriting:

"Sarah, I got you a new iPad a few days early.

I'm sure Steve won't mind.

I also added a few modifications of my own…"

He gave a description on how to use it and instructed her to go to the Starbucks near the mall and log on to her secure email. She had been delighted and confused when Chuck had left a message for her on her j04nKc email she had given him.

The subject line simply read " **Pineapple** ". As she read the email and the video attachment, she knew what she had to do. She took her secure phone and dialed a familiar number. The phone call was picked up on the third ring. "It's Walker…".

 _ **April 2010**_

Sarah approached her new mission in Paris with a mixture of emotions. The City of Light still had some bad memories for her but her recent visit and reconciliation with Chuck had blunted her feelings toward Paris quite a bit. She wondered if she would see him. She hadn't heard from him after their last exchange of emails.

This time her mission was with her former AIC and current co-chair of the Ring taskforce, Daniel Shaw. She had been promoted soon after her last mission to Paris just as Chuck had surmised but Shaw apparently didn't get the memo. He still treated her like he was her superior, debriefing her at the last minute concerning operations they had in progress.

Lately he had been acting more cagey than usual, if that was possible, dropping off grid, not responding to her communiqués in a timely matter and now springing this impromptu mission on her. Ostensibly it was to identify and possibly recover part of the Ring's Intersect Cipher prototype which intel indicated was in Paris. If successful it would be a tremendous blow to the organization.

Sarah and Daniel check into the Albe Hotel Saint-Michel around dinner time and head up to their room. Their cover was that of a married couple on a second honeymoon. Sarah had been mildly concerned he would be looking for some "Anderson" after action activities. Thankfully Shaw was all business.

"Sarah, I know it's been a long flight but we need to sell our cover and do some reconnaissance. Let's go for dinner. We can stretch our legs and do both."

The weather was still cool in Paris, especially in the evening. They could see their breath as they walked to the Cafe Le Petit Pont for dinner. Once seated, Shaw ordered for both of them (a power move Sarah thought) and asked for bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996. After Shaw had approved of the wine, the waiter poured two glasses.

"To us" Shaw raised his glass in a toast as he gave Sarah a wink. Maybe she was premature on the Anderson thing. After all this was their first mission together and her relationship with Bryce was in her file. Shaw better hope he was just selling the cover or he would be in for a violent surprise.

"So…" Shaw begins but he is interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. He frowns." It's my contact. I'll only be a minute." and he walks toward the restrooms. Sarah sighs in relief and sips her wine. He returns shortly and they continue drinking and sticking to small talk in anticipation of their meal.

"This is amazing." Sarah compliments her partner.

"I'm sorry we haven't done this sooner."

"This is nice."

"No...this is perfect."

After dinner they head back to the hotel but make a slight detour. As they turned onto Rue de la Cite, Sarah becomes edgy and tenses up. She knows this place. "Is something wrong Sarah?"

"No Daniel, I'm fine." She hesitates then sighs. This needed to be addressed.

"No...yeah. Something is bothering me."

Shaw makes a face she can't decipher but she presses on. She has come this far, she feels like he should know. They were partners after all. She had done many things for the greater good without considering the consequences just like he did.

"A mission five years ago. My Red Test was here." She notices him stiffening at the term. Red Tests weren't part of the prerequisites for being a spy per se. They weren't even official policy but if you were given one and you were successful you entered an elite status as an intelligence operative.

Some wore it as a badge of honor. To Sarah it had become a scarlet letter. "A" for assassin. A mindless, soulless tool.

"It was the worst day of my life. I was given a time and a place. I almost didn't do it but the woman squatted down as if to pick up something she had dropped. I thought I saw a weapon and fired my pistol instinctively. She fell to the ground and I ran. I never looked back but I've been haunted by that night ever since."

 _Previously,_

 _At a secure location in D.C., Daniel Shaw and Sarah Walker sit down with General Beckman._

" _Agents Shaw and Walker I have called you in today because of intelligence that has come to our attention that could compromise our project on The Ring."_

" _What is it General?" Shaw spoke first. Sarah remained silent._

" _The Ring has information on your wife's death Agent Shaw. It implicates a current agent in her death. We believe that their intention is to turn you or incapacitate your ability to pursue them in exchange for this information."_

" _General" Shaw replied. "This is obviously an attempt to confuse and demoralize us when we are so close. Besides, a thorough investigation into Eve's death was done by the Agency and signed off by Director Graham himself. There was a statement from a Ring operative indicating that Eve was targeted when her cover was blown."_

" _Are you sure Daniel?" Sarah asked._

" _Director Graham gave me a copy of the statement personally along with his condolences."_

" _I know this goes without asking" the General began "but I have to: Has anyone tried to contact you Agent Shaw?"_

" _No General and if they had I would have reported it so we could exploit their weakness... General I know you have your concerns but my primary goal is and remains taking down the Ring. This isn't the first time they've used one of our own against us"._

 _Daniel Shaw must have ice in his veins thought Sarah. There was no way someone could be this calm and logical about the death of someone they love. Nobody can control their feelings that well. She had the mother of all poker faces, and if Chuck had been killed, much less killed by a fellow agent, she would be falling apart with anger, a feeling of impotence and grief._

 _Granted Shaw had five years to deal with the grief but something was off here. General Beckman seemed to have complete confidence in him. "An absolute professional" she described his response to the situation. Of course this was the same woman who authorized the kill order on Chuck, so Sarah's confidence in the General's ability to read people and make good decisions was a bit compromised._

"I know you said the Ring hadn't approached you when General Beckman asked, and she didn't give you the specifics. But I think the security footage of that night is what they were going to try and turn you with. I'm the Agent. Your wife was my Red Test. I'm so sorry Daniel, I had no idea."

If Daniel Shaw's eyes were dark before, they were black as coal now with only a fire of rage licking the edges.

"Did you really think I would be okay with you killing my wife Sarah?"

Sarah reacted quickly to his sudden rage. She drew her sidearm and pointed it at Shaw.

"I told you what happened Daniel. I told you I didn't know. You had a Red Test too. I didn't expect you to like it, I expected you to understand. I was the one that initiated the meeting so that you would be aware of the threat from the Ring."

Just then she felt an impact of something on her left shoulder, like a hard push. Her gun wobbled. Sarah turned to see a petite man in a suit and tie with a tranq gun.

"Allow me to introduce you to the Ring director, Sarah."

"It feels heavy doesn't it…." He clarifies when she gives him a puzzled look "...The gun."

Sarah started to lower her weapon.

"I was recruited by the Ring months ago. You killed my wife Sarah. The only thing that drove me since that day was revenge on the people responsible. Now it's time for payback. I'm going to kill you like you killed Eve. A shot to the gut and watch you bleed out slowly."

His face was manic in it's glee. Sarah was unsure if this was the real Daniel Shaw she was seeing or a monster created by desperation and loss. She briefly wondered again, how she would react if Chuck had been murdered. Left to her grief, all alone in the world. The only good thing in your life violently taken away with no hope. Never to see them again. She felt pity for Shaw.

"And the CIA, well those lying bastards are going to lose their precious weapon. I know you've heard of it Sarah: the Intersect. I took some leverage. Good thing too. This is probably the only copy left in existence thanks to that bastard Carmichael. Director, I have the plans on the Intersect on the portable drive in my coat pocket."

Sarah had subjected herself to introspection lately and had dabbled with what ifs and maybes. Ultimately she knew fear and uncertainty were an enemy. Yes, she felt some sympathy but what Shaw was doing was wrong. Anger began to build deep inside her. This was not her story and she wasn't going to let her empathy empower a madman. She had to stop this.

Sarah turned toward the Director and slurred slowly. "I gave you a chance, Daniel, to do the right thing. I see you've made your decision."

"Do you want us to...you know." The Director made a slashing sign to neck.

"No, no I'll do it. This is for Eve and I want her" he indicates Sarah with a nod of his head "to see this."

Sarah whipped around to face Daniel Shaw. "I'll bet you do asshole." She raised her pistol and put a bullet through his head. The Director stared dumbfounded. Before he can shoot Sarah or run, his left knee explodes and he falls to the ground writhing in pain. Minutes later, Casey appears as Sarah is taking her coat off to remove the tranq dart.

"Well partner, looks like the vest worked. You had me going for a minute."

"I had to improvise. The Director showing up in person was unexpected. Did you get it all with the parabolic microphone?"

"And video from the scope. I had you covered the whole time. Your plan worked, but how did you know he would betray you?"

"I didn't. I hoped it was a sad coincidence, which is why I told him about my Red Test. I hoped he would understand the circumstances and how he could be manipulated by the Ring, but he was compromised already. Maybe he had been since his wife's death in one shape or other."

"I had initiated a meeting with him and Beckman last month. Beckman told him the Ring was going to try and turn him by implicating an agent in the death of his wife. He denied having been contacted and blew off the threat. He said that destroying the Ring was too important."

Sarah stared at the fallen body of Daniel Shaw with a forlorn look. He had been a wonderful facade, an empty suit with the ability to convincingly play the part of a strong, capable, honorable agent. If only he had been the man he portrayed.

Hearing a groan, Sarah and Casey looked over at the Director and said "Very un-sportsman like Casey. I like it."

"Well don't get too cocky. We still have to secure the Ring Director and that means getting through his security cordon."

As the words leave his lips and they both go to tend to the Director's wound, the sound of automatic gunfire splits the night air. "Your ghost?"

Sarah's iPhone soon vibrates with a text " _Sorry about the gunfire. I had to take out the last of them old school. Sorry about your partner also. Say hello to Casey for me."_

"My ghost." Sarah smiled. He always has her back now. From the heads up on Shaw to the overwatch on the mission tonight. She can't help but be amused thinking about the exclamation in her earwig at dinner

"What the frak was that "to us" crap! Something is definitely up with that cheesy toast! And "I'm sorry we haven't done this sooner"? Give me a break...gah!" Was that jealousy she heard?

"Don't worry Casey. It's been taken care of. Now let's get to that extraction point."

As they started to transport their prisoner for extraction, Sarah looks at Casey. "I owe you one Casey."

"Trust me after what you did for me in Iran and the bragging rights with the capture of this guy, we're more than even."

"Thanks Casey". She was happy for Casey. This should get his reputation back to where it was three years ago. She also wished that things had been different tonight. She decides she still hates Paris.

 _ **February 2010**_

Sarah had found herself in Budapest again. It was another city that left her cold. Not the city itself, or the people, but it had been the setting of a life changing event.

Like her Red test, she was haunted by those events to this day. Unlike her Red test, there had been some good as the result of it. Her mother had a daughter that she could give all the things she hadn't been able to give to her.

There had been an attempt to breach the security at OTP Bank Group bank. That the suspected perpetrator had ties to a certain Russian arms dealer linked to the Ring put it on the CIA's radar. That the large Hungarian bank had an account bearing the name of one Margit Zsofia Kovacs put it on Sarah's.

It seemed coincidental that she would be assigned this mission. She did not believe in coincidences, or at least she hadn't before that fateful night in Moscow a year and a half ago. The real reason why she was chosen was probably her experience in Alexei Volkoff's organization.

It didn't hurt that she had an extensive knowledge of European geopolitics and a mastery of European languages down to dialect level. Yet she still wondered if a certain 'ghost' who had admitted that he kept track of her might not have a hand in this. Though this seemed even beyond his electronic reach.

The fact that she seemed to have a stalker should have creeped her out but instead it was a situation she couldn't quite describe, but didn't mind. Not entirely. But there were some things she would prefer were kept hidden in her past.

Some just weren't there because of the black ops/no paper trail nature of her career. Some would just be hard to find. She might be one person but her career was comprised of many different people. _I am Legion_ she thought derisively.

Ironically, the thing that disturbed her the most was that this keeping tabs on her was a comfort. Chuck knew firsthand the darkness of the spy life. They were equals now. She knew he wouldn't dig into her past unless he had to because of the fact that (now that he was off the Laudenol) he hadn't lost himself like she had. If she was honest, the only time she had felt normal and unburdened was when she was around him.

Sarah's cover was that of an electronic fraud investigator retained by the OTP bank group. The other people on her team were the computer detectives. She interviewed employees that could be involved or could have observed anything about the attempted break in. Statements were taken, lie detector tests were given. Everything indicated an outside attack that thankfully (for her mom and the baby) had been thwarted.

When researching the suspect, a certain Sean Mackintosh, Sarah noticed that he had a known associate named Kyle Packard. Sarah had run into Packard a few times during her tenure with Volkoff Enterprises. He apparently was Frost's (Mrs. Bartowski?! She still could hardly wrap her head around that) second on projects outside the security of Alexei Volkoff.

Further investigation revealed that Mackintosh and Packard were escaped military prisoners and been in the same unit together. A unit commanded by _….no way...couldn't be the same….nope, it was..._ Captain John Casey. What. The. Hell. The rest of the record was redacted. The baby was safe but now maybe she could make good on her promise to herself and help Chuck.

The beige nondescript car with government tags drove up to the main gate at the Marine Corps Base Quantico in Virginia.

"Good morning ma'am. Welcome to Marine Corps Base Quantico. May I see your identification?"

The blond woman behind the wheel gave the guard her FBI photo ID that identified her as Eve Kendall. Other guards circled the car with mirrors on long handles to view the underside of the car.

"Destination Ma'am?"

"FBI Academy, administrative building."

"Very good Ma'am. Do you need assistance with directions?"

"No thanks, I know the way."

The marine guard replied "have a good day" and waved her through.

Since the DEA also had a training school here, Sarah briefly worried that she would run into Carina, even though she knew that Carina hadn't been assigned here for years now. This visit was off the books and she wanted it to stay that way.

As far as anyone knew, Sarah Walker was currently compiling a report (that was written yesterday) at Langley one hour north of here in McLean Virginia. Eve Kendall was a personal cover legend she had created shortly after being assigned as Chuck's handler. When she needed to disappear Eve would show up with the appropriate credentials for the situation.

Casey's office was located in a nondescript office building on the 2nd floor near the corner of Caitlin and Anderson Avenues. Sarah Anderson had a better ring to it but the name didn't taste right in her mouth anymore. She found him at his desk eating a hot pocket and checking the sniper school training schedule.

"Careful Casey, those things are hotter than they look."

If he was surprised he didn't show it.

"Walker. To what do I owe the honor of this visit? Decide to come back for the nerd? In case you haven't heard, I don't do that anymore." He was older but he still had that brusque attitude.

"Still bitter Casey? It's okay I miss him too."

"I don't miss...What the hell do you want Walker? Last time I heard you were headed back to Larkin's loving arms."

"You are still bitter." It was statement this time. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised. Casey was a marine. Semper Fi . She was pretty sure abandoning your charge and running off with your old partner and former lover didn't fit the definition. That's not exactly what happened, but Casey didn't know that.

She replied quickly "Casey I need your help. It's about the you know what. Is there a secure place we can talk?"

"I don't think this place is under surveillance but I only sweep it for bugs once a week. Come on let's take ride". He headed for the door with Sarah following.

They walked the two blocks to the parking garage in silence. Casey's car was on the second level backed into a corner parking space. The area was brightly lit with a line of sight into the blue sky. Sarah was amazed.

It was a Crown Victoria. She had known Casey had a soft spot for the trusty police interceptor and wondered if this was like the one that Chuck had blown up on the mission that involved the wealthy philanthropist Lon Kirk she had read about. As soon as they shut the doors, she knew this was no ordinary old Ford.

"We can talk here, I had the car modified. The car is soundproof."

He turned the ignition key. The doors locked and there was a 5 second delay before the car started. "External scan" was all he said. Casey then flipped a switch which tinted the windows.

"Now we can't be seen through the glass. What's going on with Bartowski? I know you're not here because you missed my charming personality or my Michelangelo good looks." There was no hesitation or doubt in his voice.

"You might be surprised, Casey." she drawled and then she winked.

"Wha...you… no...Walker!" he barked.

"Casey! Relax. I'm just teasing. This is about you… and me. But yes, I saw Chuck in Russia…"

"You met up with Bartowski? I heard he had gone rogue. That's a dangerous game Walker."

"I was on a deep cover mission and we crossed paths. It wasn't until I got back to Langley and debriefed that I found out about of his... status. Listen about Burbank…"

"Walker, I don't want to hear it. Yes, it was hard on the nerd but your job was to protect Chuck. You were compromised. You made the right call. I would have done the same thing."

Sarah felt a weight lift off her shoulders. "I just wish it hadn't been with Larkin. It made the job exponentially more difficult." And there it was back again.

"Look, Casey. I know it was a mistake. I appreciate the support but my leaving compromised the mission and almost ended it. You know it and I know it. Hell, Chuck might not have become an operative or gone rogue if I had stayed."

"Or he could been killed. Who knows? What's done is done."

Sarah pauses. She almost wants this subject to end here. With Casey backing up her decision in spite of everything but she has to ask. "Would you have done it Casey?"

"What are you talking about, Walker? Would I have done what?"

"You know what I mean Casey. Don't try to play me! You know goddamn well what I'm talking about. The termination order!" She still can't say what it really was, a _kill_ order.

"Calm down Walker. Calm down." Casey takes a deep sigh "The simple truth is that I don't know."

A low growl starts to emanate from Sarah, but he continues without notice.

"You know the routine as well as I do. Assets eventually get burned. It's the job. Hell, you've done it yourself before."

Sarah's breathing slowed. He was right assets as a rule became a liability once their usefulness was done. But she stubbornly held onto her opinion that Chuck was different. That Casey should have known better.

"After you left, reassigned, whatever, the kid became despondent. I found myself in a tough spot." He looked at Sarah directly.

"I'm by the book Walker, you know that. The termination order was always an option for Beckman and I knew it. I expected there was one from Graham too, but I figured you were too compromised so I thought there was a chance that Chuck would get out of this alive. As long as he was an asset, I could justify putting the hit off."

Sarah was shocked. Casey knew about her feelings for Chuck? And was relieved about it, glad even? What. The. Hell? Graham had never mentioned a kill order although it had been implied since her "date" with Chuck. It just had never crossed her mind as an option and was soon ignored and forgotten.

"Chuck didn't ask for this life. He did everything we asked and even as a civilian he was good at it. Hell he was better then some trained agents I know. With you gone, I knew I would have to follow my orders or let someone else do it. I really couldn't bear either option and now the Intersect had stopped working which made the possibility more likely. And when they sent Forrest to replace you, with her reputation, I knew the kid was screwed."

Sarah felt ill. She literally started breathing through her mouth to keep the vomit down. If she had felt bad when she first found out about the consequences of her leaving, this revelation was infinitely worse.

Sarah considered herself fearless. It was part of what made so good at her job. And yet fear, her fear concerning her feelings for Chuck had almost taken away his life. The exact opposite of what she had been taught in the CIA. Training which she used to convince herself that leaving was the right thing to do.

"I had to do something Walker. If the Intersect stopped working. If Chuck wasn't an asset anymore… So I tried to convince Chuck to be an operative. At least he would still be of value to the bosses and learn to protect himself from them."

"My worst fears had come to pass. The Intersect stopped working and there was no sign of it resuming. I didn't trust Forrest so I called in some favors from the NSA psyops division. Chuck was eventually put on a drug called Laudenol but by that time Fulcrum had blown his cover and he was brought into protective custody."

"I was reassigned but I heard the medication was a success. The Intersect was working. That was the last I heard about Chuck until one of my buddies mentioned a priority one burn notice on a CIA spook no one had heard of named Carmichael."

"So how did you end up here?"

"After the Fulcrum incident I was put on "administrative leave" while Forrest went with Bartowski to a secure facility."

"Were you injured? PTSD?"

"I think it was more of a reprimand. I was the AIC and things went pear shaped on my watch."

He stated his treatment as if it was a reasonable expectation under the circumstances.

"If Forrest hadn't killed the Fulcrum agent, I don't want to think what would've happened to Bartowski."

Casey hesitates a second, then snorts. "I don't know what it is about Bartowski that brings out the protectiveness in you skirts. Forrest was a class A bitch but she was a good agent. I mean she was hardcore."

"It was the Asset this and the Asset that. Then it was Bartowski this and Bartowski that. By the time Fulcrum tried to kidnap him it was just Chuck. I don't think that Fulcrum agent stood a chance against her. Don't get me wrong, she played it by the book but when it came to Bartowski...Well let's just say I could see a change in her like I saw in you before you left."

Sarah could feel her cheeks begin to burn. And she was pretty sure it wasn't all from embarrassment. Apparently Casey's acerbic personality had hidden quite an observant operative underneath. Suddenly that conversation in the van three years ago didn't seem so random or out of the blue.

Casey continued as Sarah mused on his words "I think Forrest held the Fulcrum attack against me. She was so pissed she all but accused me of working for Fulcrum. I can't prove it but I always thought her after action report contributed to my treatment and reassignment from the Intersect project afterward."

"It also didn't help that in the beginning of 2009 my old commander James Keller tracked me down and tried to blackmail me into obtaining the same medication that Chuck was put on. Apparently Laudenol wasn't an anti-depressant. It was some sort of a super soldier serum and he wanted it."

Sarah smiled at the reference. Chuck seemed to have rubbed off on Casey too. "Well, he obviously didn't know who he was dealing with."

"And I didn't know who I was dealing with either. Keller had been put on to me by a traitorous bastard named Kyle Packard…"

"I know him Casey, what happened?"

Casey cocked his head and looked at her. "How the hell do you know Packard?"

"I ran into him while working a deep cover with Volkoff Industries."

Casey's face revealed no recognition.

"He's a Russian arms dealer with suspected ties to the Ring."

"Well, that makes sense then. Anyhow, I tried to cowboy the situation by working alone and playing along. I pretended to get the medication for Kellor. At the meet, after I killed Keller and had taken out his men, a black op squad dropped in and took me into custody."

"They insisted I was helping Keller but couldn't prove it. Before I knew it my clearance was downgraded and I was "promoted" to instructor at the Scout Sniper Basic Course here in Quantico."

They sat in silence for a moment. Then recognition spread across John Casey's face.

"Oh I get it. Chuck is working for Volkoff and you want me to assist you in getting him out of Russia."

Casey put a smug smile on his face.

"I knew you had it bad for the nerd but I'm just sayin', that's crazy."

"Thank for your vote of confidence Casey but (and I am going to enjoy saying this) you are wrong. I told you this was about you not Chuck. At least not only about Chuck. In fact, that's why I need your help on this op I'm working on."

"I know you have a history with Packard and I know this "promotion" is killing you. And for the record Chuck may be rogue but he is still a good guy. He's not working for Volkoff or anyone else. He left because he was betrayed by people he trusted. You of all people should understand that."

"But he talks to you?"

"Ungh! Casey! I didn't betray him. I made a mistake. Once I could, I talked to Chuck and worked things out..mostly. Anyhow do want to hear more of what I'm here for or do you want to discuss my "lady feelings"?"

"You make a point Walker. You make a point."

 **A/N:** I think that's a little of Arya's prayers Sarah in there, at least how this Sarah thinks of herself in the spy world. There was a little jumping around in this chapter. I hope I didn't lose you.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** No ownership or rights to the television show "Chuck" in stated or implied

 **Canon influence** : S1 E10 Chuck Versus the Nemesis and AU from there.

 **Fanon influence** : Probably every fan-fiction I've ever read has influenced this story (all my stories, really) in some shape or form.

 **Music influence** : "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons at the start definitely but "Feeling Good by Nina Simone (the only canon song) at the end.

"R" rated violence. Probably the most in the entire story.

Many thanks to my beta yeahokaycool for all their hard work and for putting up with me.

Also no Chuck/Sarah face to face per se…sorry.

"Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light." – John Milton, Paradise Lost

Darkest before the Dawn

 _ **February 2010**_

Sean "Mac" Mackintosh could not believe his luck. He had been picked up in Berlin for questioning in the OTP bank hack in Budapest by Interpol. Frost was going to be pissed.

The bank hack had been an opportunity too big to pass up. This complication was going to interfere with their current mission parameters by 24 hours at the least. Completely blow it at the most.

Alexei Volkoff did not deal well with failure. At least not those that failed him. Frost would be spared (he'd seen it happen a hundred times) but he would end up with a bullet in his head, if he was lucky. He'd seen worse. He needed a way out. To drop off the radar or do something so spectacular he would be back in Volkoff's good graces. He just need a break in this streak of bad luck.

As it happened, a opportunity for both was found in his Reddit account that day. A certain Major John Casey had just died from a heart attack. The viewing and funeral would be held in D.C. later that week.

 _ **Unknown location, Iran,**_

"Now that's what I call good hunting, Walker." Casey couldn't be more ecstatic.

"Three traitors! They'll be going straight to Gitmo." Casey had a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face. Sarah was unsure of this look on him. It was foreign to her.

"I have an extraction team on its way and a meeting with Beckman when I get back to DC."

"That's great Casey! In the meantime, can you give me some time with our other guest?"

"No problem Walker. If you need any help let me know. I owe you."

 _ **Previously,**_

 _Time to go_. Radio contact was lost in static after some sort of confrontation. The mission was compromised. She would report to Alexei. If Packard, Issacs and Mackintosh survived they would be killed by a Volkoff agent or Alexei himself. (He seemed to revel in the personal touch when it came to revenge or whatever his twisted definition of justice was).

She opened her door to leave and was pushed back into her room with a blow to her nose. She fell back and rolled through the fog, drawing her Kimber 1911 from its holster at her back. It was summarily kicked from her hand. Before the next kick made contact with her face, she grabbed said foot and sent the owner flying. She then jumped up into a defensive stance. Staring down the barrel of a suppressed Smith & Wesson 5906. It was then that she saw her attacker. A dark haired woman wearing a hijab.

"Leaving so soon, Frost?

Mary shook her head. She knew that voice. Then she noticed the contacts.

"Elana Truffaut, or should I address you by your alpha alias: "Sarah Walker".

Her attacker's eyes widened for a split second.

"Tell me your story, Frost, tell me about your boss...your lover Alexei Volkoff. How could you do that?"

"I don't know what you're…" The blows started again with a fury.

Mary tried to deflect but was unsuccessful and she crumples. "Ooph…" She almost smiled. "I don't think this about Alexei Volkoff, is it?"

After Frost is apprehended, her head is covered with a hood before being shoved in a vehicle. Travelling in silence, she and her captors arrived at their destination within an hour's drive.

Still wearing a hood and restraints, she is stripped to her underwear and brought to a room with a small amount of light. There she is secured, hands and feet, to a metal chair that is attached at its hind legs to the floor. Eventually a distorted voice addressed her.

"Welcome Frost. We have some questions for you. Do you recognize the room? It's a Iranian Army rape room. It is especially designed for torture. We both know everyone talks. The question is, do you want to do it now or later. Now who are you?"

 _Silence_

"It is a simple question….Mary." A brief moment of surprise crosses Frost's face, quickly replaced by a stubborn look the interrogator has seen before. "What is your name?"

6 hours later, with no food and the only water from the enhanced interrogation, she is soiled and filthy. The interrogator asks yet again, "What is your name?" Frost simply grimaces a smile and replies "I am death. Pray that you kill me or I will be the last thing you see." The interrogator is impressed in spite of herself. "Who are you?"

 _Silence_

"You may be expecting Alexei to come to your rescue but please take a look at this video. [ a video of Frost declaring her love to her husband plays]. This video has been left on a server that Volkoff regularly surveils along with a record of money being wired to a Swiss Bank Account with the same identification number as the video. Very sloppy of the CIA, don't you think? What is your name?"

"I am dea…." The electrical shock is sudden. Pain explodes over her entire body.

"Big Words….Now that we have your attention". Frost's chair is tilted back and the water begins….

 _4 hours later…_

"Tell me again."

"My name is Mary Gunter…." The electrical shock caused her teeth to rattle. The crown on her molar had cracked and fallen off some unknown time ago. The water she inhaled with the moments of sheer terror causes the raw nerve to ache sharply.

"What is your full name?" The voice asked evenly.

"Mary Elizabeth Gunter. " The chair leaned back and the water starts again….

As the chair again returned to a sitting position, Frost waited for the inevitable question. Instead she hears a voice she hadn't heard in years.

"Hi, you've reached Ellie's phone. Please leave a message after the beep."

The message repeated over and over. At some point it stops, followed by silence. Frost could keep her frustration and fear in no longer.

"What do you want from me!" she yelled, only to be met by silence.

"Hi, you've reached Ellie's phone. Please leave a message after the beep."

"What is your name?"

Mary gasps and starts to cry. She hadn't cried in years. She wanted to tell them to kill her but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen. "My name is Mary Elizabeth Bartowski." She hadn't used that name in so long it sounded like an alias coming from her lips. Immediately the lights were turned up.

"You are Mary Elizabeth Bartowski. Married to Stephen J Bartowski. Mother to Eleanor and Charles. " the voice said. A door opened to the room and a tall blond woman entered.

"Why have you done this!" Mary screams through tears and pain. "I'll give you what you want...whatever you want to know about Volkoff…just kill me when you're done"

"First, tell me about Volkoff..."

"...and that's how the Hydra database is used…"

Sarah had had enough. They had been over the details again and again. She had the government's intel and her window was closing. Now she wanted hers.

"Tell me about Stephen, Mary. Tell me how you get up one day and leave your family for the bed of an arms dealer?"

Mary, completely depleted, still had the ability to stab Sarah with one of the coldest looks she had ever seen.

"Was it the money? The power? or was your husband too pathetic and the children too burdensome for someone like you?"

"You bitch! you know nothing…"

"Or maybe it was the sex...I've heard arms dealer sex is the bes.."

"Shut the hell up ...you...you…" suddenly Mary's head drops and she takes on a thousand yard stare.

"For love…"

Sarah is momentarily taken aback. "You love Alexei Volkoff!" How..."

"Of course not… I..I...Volkoff was my mission. And then my world fell apart... and I made the best of it."

"How could you just walk out? You had a family, a loving husband...you had what we never get...you had normal. How could you leave that all behind and never look back and take up with Volkoff?"

"I was keeping them safe! I did what I had to to keep my family safe. I didn't want to leave, I had to. After Stephen's death, I had to stay away...to protect them. They didn't need to be around a monster like me anyway. Without Stephen, why not Alexei? He thought he loved me and I had nowhere to go." The distant stare returns as Mary relives the memory.

Mary suddenly cuts a look at Sarah.

"I hope ...Agent Walker...that you never fall in love. In love with a man that is too good for you, that only wants you to be happy, to love you and give you everything you never deserved. I hope you never have to see that man fall apart, disintegrate before your eyes because of the darkness of your world brings to him and then have him gone forever without a goodbye… Having to leave a family you love but the only way to protect them is to walk away from them and pretend they never existed. I hope you never love like that Agent Walker. You would be surprised what you would do then."

Sarah felt like she had been hit in the gut. She swallowed the bile and stared at the woman. The woman she had already started to become.

"I've already taken that test and failed. Someone better than both of us gave me another chance. I'm paying that kindness back by giving you one."

"Why?"

 _Because finding you would break his heart more than it already is now._

"Because he would think you deserve it. I don't know if he's right but I'm in no position to stand against him."

This was too close but she pressed on with her plan. She unlocked Mary from her confines.

"Clean clothes and a new life are in the next room. Money, identity, you name it. Melt into the world Mary. Start over. Do not contact your children to keep them safe. A word of warning: if I ever see you again I will kill you." Sarah left and never looked back.

 _ **May 2010**_

" ...so anyway he says to me that it reminded him of that scene from "Eyes Wide Shut". To which I replied 'That's rather cheeky' and he burst out with a belly laugh and said that I lied when I said I wasn't funny…"

Silence. "I'm afraid I don't understand." The mousy haired woman responded with a lilting Italian accent.

"You must not get out to the cinema often Rebecca. You see, there's a scene from a movie about ten years ago where they are nude...listen...never mind. The thing is. This young man...Charles, he's American by the way. Just as I'm thinking how I wished I could escape from the boredom and awkwardness of the party, he comes up and starts talking to me."

"Later, he asked 'If it's not too forward, I'll treat you to a pint and a game of darts at the pub in the village if you rescue me from this.' Rescue him...He gave me some puppy dog eyes and told me I was his only hope. So cheesy and yet so cute... _sigh_...He even invited my bodyguard Hans personally as a chaperone."

Vivian McArthur couldn't believe herself. She wasn't sure if it was the champagne (a new twist, but certainly in line with Saco's attention to detail for personal treatment) or the possibilities of the evening, but she was being so chatty. And about a man to boot.

Saco had sent over a stylist who was visiting from their salon in Milan as replacement for her usual stylist Gwenn. Her request had been short notice and Gwenn was unavailable. She had been assured by the owner of Saco that Ms. Franco was "one of the best".

Her expertise was runway shows so she was very flexible. Vivian had to admit she had done a bang up job freshening up her hair and nails. She felt a little like a model herself now.

She knew it was a little gauche but really, it had been so long since she had any fun in her life. Even riding her horse Artemus, while enjoyable, wasn't that exciting anymore. But the thought of getting out of her routine with an engaging young man, well that was fun and exciting.

Her absentee father had seen fit to raise her and treat her like she was a rare orchid, and a rather sheltered life had left her slightly withdrawn socially. She knew she was capable, and her hard work at The London School of Economics and her mastery of several languages proved her intelligence, but she was also shy and felt awkward around unfamiliar people. Charles made it so easy to forget that.

She often wondered if her mother had lived, if things would have turned out differently. Penelope McArthur had been raped and strangled in a random act of violence while out in London. Vivian's father had said that she had been visiting a friend there at the time. Her body had been found in a bin in the warehouse district by the docks. Her mother's friend had disappeared as well and was never found.

Vivian was too young to remember, but because of her mother's death and Father's parenting, she preferred to stay away from the outside world. As her father's only heir to the family business, she fully understood that could pose as a problem.

Charles Carmichael had been a fun distraction from the masquerade party, her ill conceived plan to overcome her shyness. It had been a rash decision to go off with him but she felt safe enough with her bodyguard Hans there. And Charles had been ever the gentleman.

He was cute and certainly engaging. He never made a pass but she didn't feel like he was disinterested. He admitted that all he knew about Vivian McArthur was what he read about her after an internet search and that he had been there to network for business. What he hadn't expected was the funny, cute (she blushed at the remembered compliment) young woman he invited to the pub.

He called her "Vivi" and they drank beer and threw darts. Charles insisted on playing a game called H.O.R.S.E. in honor of Artemus. By the end of the night they were laughing and wobbling to her car. He gave her his card and told her that he enjoyed her company.

"Vivian, I've had a great time tonight. I hope I'm not overstepping, but I would like to see you again. I'll be in town for a day or two. "Maybe dinner tomorrow night?" His eyes were particularly dark and green.

It must have been a night for impulsiveness.

"Absolutely! I had a lovely time as well but let's meet at my house tomorrow night for dinner and see where the night takes us. Seven?"

"It's a date!" he regaled her with a wide smile.

She left him at his car as he thanked her again and drove off. _It's a date!_ And she couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

"He sounds like a real hero."

"Yes he is..ouch! Careful Rebecca, Don't brush too hard, you just pulled my hair,"

"My apologies Ms. McArthur." _Damn him!_

"I've never felt so relaxed and comfortable around a man."

"Fanculo!"

"I beg your pardon."

"Again apologies Ms. McArthur, Sometimes you need more arms." _Or eyes._

As Vivian looked herself over, she beamed. Charles would be by soon for dinner. As if by request, her chimes at the gate rang. She could hardly rein in her anticipation as Hans entered her sitting room a few minutes later.

"A note, Ms. McArthur." Hans handed the note to Vivian. Her disappointment must have been evident as he added "Perhaps he was delayed."

Vivian tore open the note.

 _Vivian,_

 _I'm afraid I will not be able to keep our date this evening. I'm sending along schematics and a patent for an interface and database. Please consider it a gift for a wonderful evening._

 _-Charles_

 _P.S. - You might want to change the name of the software though. You know bad karma and all that._

Some women got flowers, Vivian thought. She, apparently, got tech patents. Just who was this Charles Carmichael anyway? She would have to contact her barrister Mr. Riley about that, but in the meantime all she could think about is that her date had been cancelled.

"Bullocks!"

 _ **July 2010**_

Alexei Volkoff looked at the man in front of him. Tall, slight build with glasses. The man's handshake had been strong but very clammy, leaving him with a distinct urge to wipe his hand on his pants. The man seemed anxious. Alexei was sure he would be more anxious if he knew what was in store for him. Mr. Riley had been quite helpful in vetting him.

"So...Mr. ...Cartwright?...No...Carmichael? Carmichael right? Mr. Carmichael I see that your G6 arrived at 10:05 this morning. I trust that you found our accommodations at my hangar at the Moscow airport to your satisfaction. Now, what can I do for you?"

In that moment, almost like a flash, Chuck slipped from the present into a memory that still made him viscerally sick. It had been when he was hacking the Hydra Database. A file named Victory had caught his eye. Inside were video files. Mostly security footage, but others seemed to be videotaped on a camcorder. Snuff porn. He took note of one in particular named Orion.

" _Did you think you could hide forever Stephen?"_

 _The video was split in two. On the left, a man who has obviously been beaten. Chuck recognized him as his father. He is bound, nearly nude, hands and feet in a standing position. His arms were extended over his head and and his feet were only touching the floor with his toes. His head is drooped with his chin resting on his chest, eyes swollen shut. Volkoff circles Stephen, dragging the edge of a blade across his body, leaving small trails of blood accompanied by gasps and mewlings._

 _On the right screen, Chuck's mother watches stoically from another position in the room. No expression on her face but her eyes were screaming. He had never noticed that about her before she left, but he was young. He had recently come to know a woman who seemed to be able to communicate the same way. His mother seemed to be restrained, with her gaze frozen on the horror before her._

" _Do you see Frost? Do you see the weakness? The man you gave your love to is a pathetic, weak excuse of a man. Undeserving of your affections. You spurned me for this piece of shit? You dare to infiltrate my organization for this? Well, amends need to be made, Frost."_

 _Volkoff picks up a heavy metal pipe and immediately begins to beat Stephen about the torso and head. Blood spatters the room and across Mary's face. She gasps and tries to pull away._

" _Noooooo! Stop, Alexei, stop. Please stop!"_

 _Volkoff pauses. His eyes are dark with dilation, and a wicked smile filled with madness spreads across his face._

" _For you my love, anything! But first…" Volkoff unholsters his gold plated Desert Eagle and shoots Stephen in the head at point blank range. "Death is the solution to all problems. No man - no problem." He crosses the room, licks the blood on Mary's face and kisses her viciously._

" _You are mine now."_

 _Mary's eyes are clouded, trance-like as her head just bobs…_

Chuck's eyes widened as he returned to the present.

Alexei calmly pulled the same polished gold plated Desert Eagle out and points it at his guest's head. "I'm waiting...Agent Carmichael."

"Whoa, whoa! That's a big...whoa! Big gun, big gun. Listen just calm down. Calm down." The man gestured to his front breast pocket of his suit. "May I?"

"Of course...but slowly" Alexei replied without the gun wavering.

Carmichael placed a small ceramic cube about the size of a child's wooden block on the desk. And then leaned in, placing his forehead on the tip of the barrel of the pistol Alexei is holding.

Alexei is intrigued, impressed even. 

"You need to put down that pistol Alexei… or should I say Hartley?"

Alexei's momentary hesitation is all that's required.

"Too late!" Chuck grabbed Alexei's pistol, and in the space of seconds had dropped the magazine and slapped Alexei across the face.

"Sorry for the slap, but one can not be too careful."

Alexei bent at the waist and covered his left reddening cheek, rage building as he regained his stature. He moved to throttle Carmichael, only to be slapped on his right cheek and find himself with right arm behind his back, bent over his desk.

"Now introductions are in order...Hartley…" Volkoff barely acknowledged the man speaking as he pressed the hidden button on his desk with his left hand.

"...so you see I have taken everything from you, Hartley, just as you did to me and my family. I have avenged Vivian's mother's death…"

"She was a whore.. She showed me my weakness and taught me the benefits of power. Convinced me by her indiscretions to use the Intersect to become stronger, better. Her lover begged for mercy before I killed him, and I used her one last time before discarding her for the trash she was…"

"...and delivered to her a legal inheritance." Chuck just stared in disbelief. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul. Chuck saw nothing but the darkness of a self righteous, narcissistic, sociopath as thick as tar. To think the man did this to himself in some misguided attempt to make himself a better, stronger person. His father and Hartley, apparently, had truly let the genie out of the bottle.

"Hartley, I am giving you an opportunity to make amends." Volkoff's gun, now in Chuck's hand never wavered.

"Charles….may I call you Charles? What would this so called opportunity entail?"

"You make take your own life, of course. To be in control one last time."

Alexei simply smirks. "Let me see if I understand this Charles. I can kill myself, or, if you are to be believed, you will somehow bring a slow and painful death upon me at some point in the future."

"You misunderstand me Hartley. This whole "Alexei Volkoff" thing must be making you stupid as well as psychotic. You are already dead. I'm giving you a choice on how it will happen, which is quite generous considering the how you murdered my father and abused my mother…"

"Your mother loved every minute of her time with me, craved it even, especially after being with your father…"

"Enough! It is obvious that I have been far too kind to you, Hartley. You have two options. I hope you don't choose the former." Chuck throws the empty pistol aside and goes to leave, only to be confronted by a tall, slim, raven haired woman.

"Not so fast, Carmichael."

A pistol barrel suddenly pokes the woman at the back of her head. "Sorry Chuck, she was supposed to be out."

"Elena."

"Sydney. Are you the new Frost in waiting?"

"Well that explains the security detail being neutralized." Volkoff interjects after seeing Sarah. "You see Sydney, Mr. Carmichael is like his father. He is a cowardly conman that relies on the skills of his betters to accomplish anything. Good to see you Elena, although I wouldn't have expected you to throw in with this lot."

"I'd shake your hand, Sydney but you don't deserve it." Chuck sneers.

"Chuck. Let's go."

"I can't believe you let them go, Alexei!"

Alexei brushes Sydney's cheek and kisses her softly. "Fear not my pet, Alexei Volkoff never loses."

A short drive to the Moscow airport and the jet is airborne. With Sarah piloting, the aircraft reaches cruising altitude. She lets out a sigh of relief and looks over her shoulder at Chuck and smiles. He smiles a tired but loving smile back at her. They don't even see the explosion overtake the plane.

A phone rings and Volkoff answers it. "Yes...Very Good" and hangs up.

"Alexei?"

"Do not concern yourself, my pet. It is done. I have some opportunities to consider now, particularly the betrayal of my daughter and Mr. Riley. Be a dear and attend to the security detail, and I will meet you in my suite."

"Very good Alexei." And Sydney leaves Volkoff to his thoughts. He casually picks up the ceramic block Bartowski had used in his little psyops con. Without warning, a glow builds within the cube, turning from a dull color to bright white. Volkoff throws the cube to the opposite side of the room and dives behind his desk. He is about to call for Sydney when he hears a familiar voice.

Hartley?...Hartley?...Hartley?…" the implied question continues to repeat.

"What the hell is this?" _A toy to augment his con?_ He picks up the cube to look at it more studiously.

"Oh there you are. I guess you didn't pick door number one."

"What the…."

"This is a interactive recording, by the way, in case you were wondering."

Volkoff just stares at the cube and sets it on the desk.

"Do you remember a project you and my father worked on in the 1980's...the Norseman project…"

 _DNA based. A failure, probably due to Bartowski..._

"...a failure. My Dad figured out that the delivery process was flawed…"

 _That was my part of the project._

"...he figured out a better delivery system. Thorium was expensive and an unreliable, though a deadly agent. One of the patents Roark didn't steal from my father was a project Dad had developed in robotics, particularly what is called today, nanotech.

"When I shook you hand, I transferred nanobots to you. They were keyed to your DNA specifically. DNA gathered from a lock of your hair you gave to my mother, and compared to your daughter's. To anyone but you they are completely harmless, deactivate in five hours and are eliminated by the body."

"In your body they will degrade your vascular and neurological systems over a forty hour period. It will appear that you have suffered a stroke while you feel an intense, unrelenting burning pain until you slowly fade away, while remaining conscious the entire time, trapped in your own body".

"My Dad's tech and your hair from my mother. So in some aspects, Stephen and Mary Bartowski are killing you."

Volkoff just smiled at the absurdity.

"Remember, Hartley, amends must be made and in the words of your hero: 'Death is the solution to all problems. No man-no problem.' And Hartley...you look like a man that is having…a stroke."

The cube's color then changed to a dull grey and Volkoff started to let out a boisterous laugh. It was quickly interrupted by a choke and inability to speak or make a sound. As he contemplated that Charles Bartowski may not have been lying, a sharp burning sensation began at the base of his skull. It slowly spread to encompass his entire body as he slumped to the floor.

 **August 2012**

 _Who the hell schedules a tech conference in Los Angeles in August? Then again, who has a comic convention in San Diego in July?_ _Dammit_. Colonel John Casey NSA was currently enjoying a burger at one of his old stomping grounds in Burbank, The Habit Burger Grill. It was nice to get away from the nerds downtown.

Casey was in Los Angeles to attend Slate Con as part of a liaison team to American technology companies. It was his time on the Intersect project and his association with Chuck Bartowski that had put him on the NSA's radar for the position.

Bartowski...hmph...good kid...never stood a chance though. John Casey wasn't one for emotions; much less regret, but he did miss working with Walker. She had really come through for him when he needed it. Walker had gone rogue two years ago last spring. No official reason but he knew why when he heard about it.

The deaths of Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski, or rather Charles Carmichael, left the espionage world embroiled in rumors and finger pointing. The most likely reason believed was a hit put out on them by Alexei Volkoff.

Apparently Bartowski had been a thorn in the arms dealer's side. Unfortunately, even if he had been inclined to verify that rumor, Alexei Volkoff had suffered a stroke and died a few days after the jet crash.

Casey knew it was going to be trouble when he found out Walker was working with Bartowski. He had warned her but she hadn't listened. Not that he had expected her to. She had a second chance at something she thought she had lost forever. John Casey knew all about second chances.

Slate Con was organized by Hunter Gelid Technologies. Wired magazine had described them as one of the top ten tech companies of 2012 to watch. Their Clean Slate software products were building a reputation in the industry for their support of the major operating systems by unifying the disparate platforms.

It had been a small company until it purchased the remnants of Roark Instruments in 2009. After that they had increased their presence in the software market, as well as design and manufacturing.

Slate Con had all the big names represented: Apple, IBM, Microsoft, Unix and Linux vendors… but there were some new players as well. The one that the NSA was interested in was McArthur Software. They had patented some software that was rumored to be revolutionary. The government wanted to be involved, considering the increase in cyber warfare.

There was also the fact that security for the company was being coordinated by Verbanski Corp. Casey hadn't seen Gertrude in years and the thought of seeing her was...intriguing.

Casey scanned the room as he pulled out his wallet to leave his bill and the tip. Cash, no paper trail, old habits he supposed. He heard before he saw, the happy squeal of a young child at a table in the back of the restaurant.

The table was partially occluded by some sort of indoor foliage. The child was being held in the lap of his father, if the hair color and curls they shared were any indication. His arms extended and hands grasping to the blond woman walking up to the table.

She has a small upturned grin on her face as she takes in the scene and reaches for her son. Casey was always observing what was missed by others. It was his nature. You didn't need to be trained, though, to assess the scene before him it was so open and obvious. The amused smile was merely a small indicator of the glow of true happiness and love the woman radiated.

For a second the woman's blue eyes caught Casey's, and she acknowledged his gaze before returning her attention to her son and husband. Casey lets out a small grunt and leaves a tip on his table before walking away. Casey knows all about second chances.

A/N: Happy accident: When I searched for a different word for darkness and found/used the Latin word Tenebrae, I found that it also denoted a ceremony leading up to Easter which dovetailed nicely with the themes of the story; darkness then light and second chances. My Alexei Volkoff is based on a concept in Marc Vun Kannon's Nine2Five story. Also another one from Marc; Couldn't the Hydra Database made more money legally licensed than arms dealing? The ending was inspired by a conversation (ok, ok via fanfiction messeging…jeez) with the awesome ninjaVanish. Think "The Dark Knight Rises". I hope you enjoyed the story. Chuck and Sarah always deserve happy endings after all the things they are put through ;)


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